Wedding
Services
The Actual Wedding Day
What roles everyone should play on the big day...
What roles everyone should play on the big day...
Planning the ceremony
Whether you are having a civil service or a religious ceremony or both, do you really know who says what and when? This month we look at unravelling the words and what they mean and offer you some guidance on planning your ceremony.
Consider your key players and their roles
Bride
Groom
Bride’s father
Best man
Maid of Honour/Chief Bridesmaid
Bridesmaids
Pages
Ushers
Choose your team carefully, consider who will be happy to stand and give a reading at the ceremony or a speech afterwards, who will be good at it, who just can’t do it remember speaking to an audience is one of the hardest tasks, one that many people quietly dread.
Whilst socialising listen to hints from potential supporters, even before you ask them formally, there are those that ought to asked, and may dread it and those that you would like to ask but daren’t for risk of offending those that ought. Who would really like to be given the honour and enjoy it. Ask (be subtle!) potential candidates how they feel about speaking in public, do they want to be given the opportunity to say a few words. Weddings can be daunting don‘t inflict your day on those that would rather to just join in and have a few drinks! (Not you ,Groom!)
So what does everyone actually have to do?
The Bride
Apart from organising the whole thing beforehand, generally, this is your day to look lovely make a few promises, and chill out! After the honeymoon is over thankyou’s need to be written and posted.
The Groom
Turn up! Stay sober and keep away from the football results. Thank the bride’s parents especially her dad for letting you have your evil way with his daughter! Remember to book the honeymoon!
The Brides Father
Whether a Dad or a Surrogate Dad, your job is to get the Bride to the church on time, walk her up the Aisle and formally give her hand to the Groom at the ceremony.
Say nice things to the guests at the reception, and generally sigh with relief as that is another one off your hands as you Toast the Bride and Groom.
The Best Man
Your role is essentially to support the groom, make sure he turns up on time, keep the ring(s) safe until placed on fingers, and make a pass at the Chief Bridesmaid. It is up to you to pay the vicar and all church fees before the ceremony on behalf of the groom. Also it is an opportunity to embarrass the Groom with tales of yore, outline any nasty habits he may have that will need to be stopped as the pair set off on honeymoon.
Make all announcements, read out any cards sent to the reception, toast the Bridesmaids and tell the brides Mum that she still looks lovely. Thank the Grooms parents after all they are paying for half! Hand out flower bouquets to both Mums.
Ensure all male attendant outfits are returned to the Hirers in good time.
The Chief Bridesmaid
You are the bearer of flowers, checking that button holes arrive and are given out correctly, that that bride’s bouquet is alive and kicking, that the parental thankyou bouquets are delivered to the reception venue, that all other bridesmaids are suitably turned out. Dress the bride, checking that she has everything she needs to prepare herself and keeping all irritation well away, for instance ensuring that guests have not taken all the hot water!!
Ensure that afterwards the bride’s gown is sent for dry cleaning ready to send to Ribbons and Pearls for some cash back!
Bridesmaids
Dress in whatever the bride wants you in, without sarcasm or tantrums. Follow the bride and do everything that the chief bridesmaid asks you to do.
Pageboys
Try not to step on the brides dress and stay clean until after the photographs.
Ushers
Make sure that everyone knows where to park their cars at the ceremony and at the reception. Hand out orders of service and buttonholes. Make sure that no-one crams into the 2 front rows that are reserved for the wedding party to sit down in during the ceremony. Make sure that everyone knows where the loos are. Give a reading at the ceremony; escort any howling children out of the ceremony and into a straight jacket. Show guests to their seats at the reception
Of course one can have as many or as few attendants on the day as long as there are a couple of people to witness the deed all will be legal.
Order of Speeches
At the ceremony readings can be given by family or friends, as well as the formal ceremony given by the Registrar or Religious Leader.
Brides father -Look after her or I will kill you
Groom - Thanks for having her for me
Best Man - There is a little something I think you should know….
Grooms Father - he is a nice boy really and thanks for taking him off our hands!
Best man then reads all cards and messages and outlines the reception structure if any entertainment is booked or if an evening “do” is planned.
Wherever you decide to hold the ceremony there are certain legal formalities that have to take place before the wedding can take place. Once you have set a date and booked the venue, be it a church, a hotel, or other licensed venue, a visit to the Register Office in the district in which you live to inform them of your intention to marry. If both parties live in the same district then notice has to be given by both the bride and the groom in person to the same office, if two separate districts are involved then notice has to be given by both people in person at each District Office. The one who gives the notice has to take proof of identity and has to attend in person.
If you are planning a civil service the venue has to have a valid license. A venue that is unlicensed can to apply for one and this can take many months to obtain, the application must be applied for to the Local Authority by the owner of the property or the trustee, not by the couple.
The property must be regularly open to the public, so stately homes, hotels and civic buildings are thought to be suitable, but private homes are unlikely to be approved. Approval will not be given for open air venues, so a moonlit beach or a golf course will not become licensed.
The premises have to be permanently built, so a permanently moored boat may be possible but a moving one not. Hot Air balloons or aeroplanes will not be approved. Lists of approved places can be found at the town hall.
Legalities of the wedding Ceremony
The service of marriage must be conducted by a person or in the presence of a person authorised to register marriages in the district. The marriage has to be entered in the marriage register and signed by both parties, and two witnesses, the person who conducted the ceremony and if that person is not authorised to register marriages, the person that is registering the marriage.
In England and Wales, both partners must be resident in England or Wales for seven days before notice is given (on the eighth day). A notice must state where the marriage is to take place. The marriage can then take place after 15 days have elapsed from the date on which notice of the marriage is entered in the marriage notice book. The fee for giving notice of the marriage is £30 per person (2005 prices).
In Northern Ireland, you will need either a registrar’s licence or a registrar’s certificate.
To obtain a certificate, at least one of you must have lived in the district for seven days or more, immediately before giving notice of intention to marry to the registrar. If you and your partner live in different districts, notice must be given to the registrars of both districts. The notice must state where the marriage will take place. The registrar must send copies of the notice to the ministers of the places of worship usually attended by you and your partner. After twenty-one days have elapsed from the date on which the notice is entered in the marriage notice book, the marriage can take place.
To obtain a licence in Northern Ireland, one of you must have lived in the district in which you are to be married for at least fifteen days before the licence is issued. The other partner must have lived for seven days in the same district, or for 15 days in another district in Northern Ireland. If you live in different districts, notice must be given to the registrar in both districts before the licence can be issued. The registrar must send copies of the notice to the ministers of the places of worship usually attended by you and your partner. Seven clear days from the giving of the notice, the registrar may administer an Oath to one of you (stating that they both satisfy the conditions for issue of the licence), and issue the licence.
The marriage must take place within 12 months from the date of entry of the notice (three months if one of you is housebound, detained or resident in Scotland or Northern Ireland). If the marriage does not take place within that time, the process must be repeated.
Procedure for marrying
You and your partner will be asked for the following information when giving notice of your intention to marry. Giving false information is a criminal offence.
The information required is:-
you and your partners name and address; and
you and your partners date of birth.
If you are under 23 you will be asked to show your birth certificate. If you do not have one, and were born in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, the Registrar will be able to trace the information and a copy does not need to be obtained.
your father’s name and occupation and your partner’s father’s name and occupation. If there is no known father, this section can be left blank.
If one partner has been married before, documentary evidence that the marriage has ended, for example, a death certificate or decree absolute. Uncertificated photocopies are not accepted. A certified copy of a decree absolute may be obtained from the court which decided the divorce. This can take about a week.
People from overseas may be asked to show their passports. There is no legal requirement to show a passport before getting married and instead, they can produce a birth certificate (accompanied by a certified translation if necessary), an affidavit or other personal identity document.
If the registrar believes that a person is entering or has entered into a marriage for immigration purposes, the registrar has a duty to report this to the Home Office Immigration and Nationality Directorate (IND). The registrar must provide the IND with certain information, including the marital status and nationality of the person.
The marriage ceremony in the local Register Office or local authority approved premises will take approximately 10-15 minutes. The Superintendent Registrar or Registrar in Northern Ireland will make a short statement about marriage; you can ask the registrar beforehand to indicate what form of words will be used. It is not possible to use religious words in the civil ceremony, although non-religious words, for example, poetry, as well as music and other performances may be added.
Whether you are having a civil service or a religious ceremony or both, do you really know who says what and when? This month we look at unravelling the words and what they mean and offer you some guidance on planning your ceremony.
Consider your key players and their roles
Bride
Groom
Bride’s father
Best man
Maid of Honour/Chief Bridesmaid
Bridesmaids
Pages
Ushers
Choose your team carefully, consider who will be happy to stand and give a reading at the ceremony or a speech afterwards, who will be good at it, who just can’t do it remember speaking to an audience is one of the hardest tasks, one that many people quietly dread.
Whilst socialising listen to hints from potential supporters, even before you ask them formally, there are those that ought to asked, and may dread it and those that you would like to ask but daren’t for risk of offending those that ought. Who would really like to be given the honour and enjoy it. Ask (be subtle!) potential candidates how they feel about speaking in public, do they want to be given the opportunity to say a few words. Weddings can be daunting don‘t inflict your day on those that would rather to just join in and have a few drinks! (Not you ,Groom!)
So what does everyone actually have to do?
The Bride
Apart from organising the whole thing beforehand, generally, this is your day to look lovely make a few promises, and chill out! After the honeymoon is over thankyou’s need to be written and posted.
The Groom
Turn up! Stay sober and keep away from the football results. Thank the bride’s parents especially her dad for letting you have your evil way with his daughter! Remember to book the honeymoon!
The Brides Father
Whether a Dad or a Surrogate Dad, your job is to get the Bride to the church on time, walk her up the Aisle and formally give her hand to the Groom at the ceremony.
Say nice things to the guests at the reception, and generally sigh with relief as that is another one off your hands as you Toast the Bride and Groom.
The Best Man
Your role is essentially to support the groom, make sure he turns up on time, keep the ring(s) safe until placed on fingers, and make a pass at the Chief Bridesmaid. It is up to you to pay the vicar and all church fees before the ceremony on behalf of the groom. Also it is an opportunity to embarrass the Groom with tales of yore, outline any nasty habits he may have that will need to be stopped as the pair set off on honeymoon.
Make all announcements, read out any cards sent to the reception, toast the Bridesmaids and tell the brides Mum that she still looks lovely. Thank the Grooms parents after all they are paying for half! Hand out flower bouquets to both Mums.
Ensure all male attendant outfits are returned to the Hirers in good time.
The Chief Bridesmaid
You are the bearer of flowers, checking that button holes arrive and are given out correctly, that that bride’s bouquet is alive and kicking, that the parental thankyou bouquets are delivered to the reception venue, that all other bridesmaids are suitably turned out. Dress the bride, checking that she has everything she needs to prepare herself and keeping all irritation well away, for instance ensuring that guests have not taken all the hot water!!
Ensure that afterwards the bride’s gown is sent for dry cleaning ready to send to Ribbons and Pearls for some cash back!
Bridesmaids
Dress in whatever the bride wants you in, without sarcasm or tantrums. Follow the bride and do everything that the chief bridesmaid asks you to do.
Pageboys
Try not to step on the brides dress and stay clean until after the photographs.
Ushers
Make sure that everyone knows where to park their cars at the ceremony and at the reception. Hand out orders of service and buttonholes. Make sure that no-one crams into the 2 front rows that are reserved for the wedding party to sit down in during the ceremony. Make sure that everyone knows where the loos are. Give a reading at the ceremony; escort any howling children out of the ceremony and into a straight jacket. Show guests to their seats at the reception
Of course one can have as many or as few attendants on the day as long as there are a couple of people to witness the deed all will be legal.
Order of Speeches
At the ceremony readings can be given by family or friends, as well as the formal ceremony given by the Registrar or Religious Leader.
Brides father -Look after her or I will kill you
Groom - Thanks for having her for me
Best Man - There is a little something I think you should know….
Grooms Father - he is a nice boy really and thanks for taking him off our hands!
Best man then reads all cards and messages and outlines the reception structure if any entertainment is booked or if an evening “do” is planned.
Wherever you decide to hold the ceremony there are certain legal formalities that have to take place before the wedding can take place. Once you have set a date and booked the venue, be it a church, a hotel, or other licensed venue, a visit to the Register Office in the district in which you live to inform them of your intention to marry. If both parties live in the same district then notice has to be given by both the bride and the groom in person to the same office, if two separate districts are involved then notice has to be given by both people in person at each District Office. The one who gives the notice has to take proof of identity and has to attend in person.
If you are planning a civil service the venue has to have a valid license. A venue that is unlicensed can to apply for one and this can take many months to obtain, the application must be applied for to the Local Authority by the owner of the property or the trustee, not by the couple.
The property must be regularly open to the public, so stately homes, hotels and civic buildings are thought to be suitable, but private homes are unlikely to be approved. Approval will not be given for open air venues, so a moonlit beach or a golf course will not become licensed.
The premises have to be permanently built, so a permanently moored boat may be possible but a moving one not. Hot Air balloons or aeroplanes will not be approved. Lists of approved places can be found at the town hall.
Legalities of the wedding Ceremony
The service of marriage must be conducted by a person or in the presence of a person authorised to register marriages in the district. The marriage has to be entered in the marriage register and signed by both parties, and two witnesses, the person who conducted the ceremony and if that person is not authorised to register marriages, the person that is registering the marriage.
In England and Wales, both partners must be resident in England or Wales for seven days before notice is given (on the eighth day). A notice must state where the marriage is to take place. The marriage can then take place after 15 days have elapsed from the date on which notice of the marriage is entered in the marriage notice book. The fee for giving notice of the marriage is £30 per person (2005 prices).
In Northern Ireland, you will need either a registrar’s licence or a registrar’s certificate.
To obtain a certificate, at least one of you must have lived in the district for seven days or more, immediately before giving notice of intention to marry to the registrar. If you and your partner live in different districts, notice must be given to the registrars of both districts. The notice must state where the marriage will take place. The registrar must send copies of the notice to the ministers of the places of worship usually attended by you and your partner. After twenty-one days have elapsed from the date on which the notice is entered in the marriage notice book, the marriage can take place.
To obtain a licence in Northern Ireland, one of you must have lived in the district in which you are to be married for at least fifteen days before the licence is issued. The other partner must have lived for seven days in the same district, or for 15 days in another district in Northern Ireland. If you live in different districts, notice must be given to the registrar in both districts before the licence can be issued. The registrar must send copies of the notice to the ministers of the places of worship usually attended by you and your partner. Seven clear days from the giving of the notice, the registrar may administer an Oath to one of you (stating that they both satisfy the conditions for issue of the licence), and issue the licence.
The marriage must take place within 12 months from the date of entry of the notice (three months if one of you is housebound, detained or resident in Scotland or Northern Ireland). If the marriage does not take place within that time, the process must be repeated.
Procedure for marrying
You and your partner will be asked for the following information when giving notice of your intention to marry. Giving false information is a criminal offence.
The information required is:-
you and your partners name and address; and
you and your partners date of birth.
If you are under 23 you will be asked to show your birth certificate. If you do not have one, and were born in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, the Registrar will be able to trace the information and a copy does not need to be obtained.
your father’s name and occupation and your partner’s father’s name and occupation. If there is no known father, this section can be left blank.
If one partner has been married before, documentary evidence that the marriage has ended, for example, a death certificate or decree absolute. Uncertificated photocopies are not accepted. A certified copy of a decree absolute may be obtained from the court which decided the divorce. This can take about a week.
People from overseas may be asked to show their passports. There is no legal requirement to show a passport before getting married and instead, they can produce a birth certificate (accompanied by a certified translation if necessary), an affidavit or other personal identity document.
If the registrar believes that a person is entering or has entered into a marriage for immigration purposes, the registrar has a duty to report this to the Home Office Immigration and Nationality Directorate (IND). The registrar must provide the IND with certain information, including the marital status and nationality of the person.
The marriage ceremony in the local Register Office or local authority approved premises will take approximately 10-15 minutes. The Superintendent Registrar or Registrar in Northern Ireland will make a short statement about marriage; you can ask the registrar beforehand to indicate what form of words will be used. It is not possible to use religious words in the civil ceremony, although non-religious words, for example, poetry, as well as music and other performances may be added.
