Difficult Wedding Guests

Unfortunately, sometimes couples are presented with someone, usually a family member, who just seems hell-bent on causing mayhem. They might be making all kinds of demands and threats about the day, and it is dreadfully wearing to have to deal with such an individual. However, if this is happening to you, rest assured that you are not alone. You are also not powerless to deal with the situation. Below are tried and tested methods of diffusing such a situation with your happiness and sanity intact!

If you definitely know that something will be a major flashpoint, (e.g. your divorced parents have not spoken to each other civilly for over ten years, your sister thinks your maid of honour ‘stole’ her boyfriend, your grandmother is ‘heartbroken’ that you will not have a religious wedding) initiate the conversation with the person(s) concerned yourself.
Ask then to tell you why they are upset, and if they appear to have finished talking, prompt them at least twice more to continue, even if you know what will be said. This will demonstrate a sincere interest in their viewpoint, and is an important first step in rebuilding bridges.

If the anxiety or unhappiness is focused around a person, ask how you can help make the day easier for them. If they say ‘don’t let X come,’ push them ask that and ask what else you can do. Force them to make positive suggestions. It might be something as simple as promising they won’t be on the same table.

If the anxiety is about status, (i.e. other people passing judgement on the caterer you have used, the number of guests, the lack of religion) be polite, but calmly remind them this day is about one thing and one thing only, i.e. you and your fiancé making a commitment  to each other. Immediately follow this up with an inclusive statement, such as: ‘now, obviously you I know that, so does it really matter if X thinks otherwise?’ It doesn’t matter if there is any third party passing judgement - the important thing is that you’ve pulled the other person into a position of assumed wisdom and accord with you.

If things look like could get really grim, have someone you trust ready to step in and physically remove you from any conflict on the day. You could agree a code word in advance, although your friend may well know you well enough to spot what’s going on without this. Whatever happens though, you must not be expected to referee on your wedding day. If anyone is childish enough to fight in front of you, you must walk away.

Ultimately, most families want to play nicely at a wedding. Most people want to be seen to be responsible and considerate, and this is probably because they love you.......whether they know how to express that appropriately or not! Therefore, by following the simple steps outlined above, you should easily be able to diffuse most situations before they escalate. And even if you can’t, you will definitely be able to rest in the knowledge that you have done your absolute best.